Truth Be Told
by Spade.Ace
Summary: "Your bleeding, Itachi."  "Oh my god,un! You are!"  "..."     Day to day happenings, findings and other truth be told stuff in the Akatsuki base XD
1. Mornings

**Disclamer**: Of course I don't own Naruto. Not great enough for that :)

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><p><strong>Chapter 1: Akatsuki<strong>

" Pass the salt, Sasori Danna!" Deidara yelled across from the table, even though the salt shaker was only inches away.

Sasori looked up from his omelette he had been dishing on, " get it yourself, brat. Your only a hands length away from it," he stated cold, as though he was talking to a door knob.

Both black and white Zetsu sighed in annoyance, before handing the salt to Deidara, " Deidara…" Zetsu trailed off, but figured it would be useless trying to explain it to a nineteen year old, sucidal guy.

" What, un? Honestly, I was just asking for the salt, yeah. The salt," he emphasized, gesturing his hands around it, while Sasori rolled his eyes.

" Itachi," Kisame's voice came from the hall outside the kitchen, "that's the wall, not the kitchen," he deadpanned.

Itachi looked closer as to where he was walking, until he could see rough grey walls in front of him.

" Yes I knew that," he replied back in monotony, and walked forward.

" Then you must also know that your about to walk into Hidan's room and not the kitchen," Kisame said, crossing his arms and giving a toothy grin his way.

Itachi stopped in his tracks an turned back around, " yes, of course I knew that," he stated passively, as Kisame sighed in response and then proceeded to guide the considerably blind man into the kitchen.

" Morning losers," Kisame greeted grabbing what ever seemed edible at the table.

" Hey fish fuck," Hidan piped up, striding into the kitchen. Kisame growled in response, " where's your partner, dead boy," he smirked back.

" Kakuzu, you shit! Get your ass over here!" Hidan yelled, grabbing a seat next to Sasori, who by natural impulse, scooted away.

" Deidara, I swear, break one more wall and I will rip of those arms I attached on you weeks ago," Kakuzu fumed, stalling in moments after Hidan. He didn't sit down, but simply leaned against the counter top.

" What! It's my latest master piece, yeah!" Deidara protested in response.

" I don't think blowing up the lounge bathroom a master piece," white Zetsu explained, looking at Deidara.

" You blew up the fucking bathroom?" Hidan said quizzically, raising a brow at Deidara.

" Yeah, un," Deidara began happily, " it was so beautiful when it blew up, the water coming out of the toilet, burnt toilet paper a-"

" Okay we get it psyche! You like fucking blowing up people's number 2's and shit," Hidan cut in abruptly, while the others nodded in response and agreement.

" What! I never sai-"

" Shut up brat, your voice is hardly tolerable," Sasori said smoothly, stopping Deidara once again. He pouted childishly and crossed his arms over his chest.

" What was that, like the 10th wall this week," Kisame brought up casually, pouring himself some coffee and handing Itachi a cup as well.

" You know how much that's gonna cost us," Kakuzu rambled on, pacing up and down the length of the kitchen.

" Fucking lot of money," Hidan replied back broodingly, playing with the cutlery knife in his hand.

" Well don't act like I'm the only one here, yeah!" Deidara snarled back, standing up, " Itachi blew up 6 of those wall with his stupid eyes and Tobi used two for his wack-a-mole jutsu, yeah!" He ended, sitting back down and presuming to card birds into the table.

Everyone snycronizingly turned to look at Itachi for answers. He looked up from his plate of food, "they were in my way."

" There's something called a door, a fucking door, you shitting blind bat," Hidan spoke slowly, as if he were talking to a 3 year old.

" Use it or bruise it, yeah" Deidara added, shrugging, sipping his coffee. Far too mature to drink juice, yeah.

" Hn," Itachi spoke, making Kisame rub his temples and groan in irritance, but didn't say anything.

"Speaking of Tobi, where is he?" Deidara suddenly said.

" Where ever the fuck he is, he better fucking stay there," Hidan snorted back, in bemusement, while everyone nodded in agreement.

Pein and Konan, calmly walked into the room and seated themselves at the table, Pein of course, sitting at the very front and Konan on his right side and for some awkward reason, Sasori had shifted to his left. They were usually the first one's in, but today was an off day.

Not that his presence often made a difference, even though he was the was pleasing to see them get along so well in the morning. At least one morning in his life time, he would be able to greet them properly.

He cleared his throat and began to speak, " good morning eve-"

" Stop touching my leg, brat," Sasori glared up at the younger man, who stared at him in confusion.

" What the hell, Danna, I didn't touch you!" Deidara defended, retaliating.

" Yeah, and even if he did, you wouldn't be able to feel it," black Zetsu said as a matter of factly, when Sasori turned his glare at him, but black Zetsu simply smirked back and white Zetsu babbled apologetically.

" I said, good mornin-"

" Fuck, Kakuzu! My neck fucking feels like it's going to break any minute," Hidan whined, gazing up at Kakuzu, who sighed indignantly.

" Shut up, and i'll fix it later…I've got more important things to do right like calculating the total cost of damage…it shouldn't be that much though…it'll still cost 3 weeks worth of food, retards," he snapped, eyeing Itachi and Diedara, who whistled and looked away. Kakuzu turned on his heals and fled the scene.

" Yeah, I'm leaving…I must tend to the gardens an- **and fuck those flowers senseless**," black Zetsu finished, watching Sasori choke on his omelette and Hidan and Deidara looked up at him with this pure disgust. He followed out the door, everyone watching him in silence.

"Is that even humanly possible?" Sasori questioned incredulously, right after Zetsu left.

" Probably not, but then again, since when is Zetsu considered a human," Kisame pointed out casually, picking up Samehada and rounding out the door, like Zetsu.

" Wait Kisame, you forgot me," Itachi beckoned out to Kisame's disappearing figure. He suddenly reappeared in the kitchen, grabbed Itachi by the collar and hauled him out.

" You have my thanks," the rest of the group heard Itachi mutter, as the two disappeared out of the kitchen.

Hidan made a tch noise towards the doorway, " Ah, fucking shit, it's time to make sacrifices," Hidan muttered, getting up form the chair and stretching his hands, making his already muscled chest, appear more well toned.

" Public displays of nudity not appreciated, yeah," Deidara noted, eyeing Hidan's chest.

" This is a kitchen, Hidan not a strip club," Sasori added, tossing the rest of his omelette in the trash; it had been through so much this morning, Sasori believed it wouldn't survive the journey in his stomach. A real body needed to be fed, no matter how unreal the emotions maybe.

"Don't be fucking jealous, though I can see why," Hidan smirked, picking up his scythe and walking out the room.

"He needs to get a hell of a reality check, yeah."

" He needs to get clothes and a life."

No sooner than stated, Deidara left to blow up some more wal- I mean, create gorgeous pieces of art, that are ever lasting. Sasori followed shortly, mumbling something about fixing Hiruko, and shuffled off.

Pein opened his eyes, breathing calmly to see that all the members were gone, with the exception of Konan, who never left his side, with the exception of the time spent in the bathroom. She was sitting by his side, sipping tea while staring at the fork in front of her. So enthralling.

" Why do I even bother," Pein sighed, asking no one in particular.

" Tobi."

Pein turned to Konan raising a questioning brow, "hmm, what was that?" He asked melancholy.

" I said, Tobi still has to come," Konan spoke with more vigour. When Pein understood what she was saying his face seemingly resembled an 'O' and he quickly stood up.

" Tobi? Then what are we still standing here for. Lock my office inside out and hide the stash of oreo cookies in the kitchen."

Konan nodded, and disappeared to her tasks, which were barely qualified to be called tasks if your part of a very wanted criminal organization. Hiding cookies should definetly not be one of your main priorities.

Pein sighed hurrying along the base halls, " Tobi…" he trailed off. Reaching his office, he locked the door and the base was suddenly very quiet. Too quiet.

" Sempai! Leader-san! Mina! Where is everyone!"

_Ahh, there we go,_ Pein thought to himself. No Akatsuki morning was complete without Tobi. It just didn't cut. Unfortunately, for Tobi, everybody was all aware of his antics and had either gone out of the base or hidden some where in it, presumably the bathroom, which was the most finable place in the base.

Just an average morning in the Akatsuki household.

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><p>Well, that's the first chapter and probably plenty more where that came from. Do Review, you have my thanks~ :)<p> 


	2. President

**Disclamer**: Of course I don't own Naruto :3

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><p>The rain. It was such bothersome little quirk of nature, especially bothersome when one was stuck in a room with 8 other people for the time being while it was pouring down like there was no tomorrow.<p>

"Oh my fuck, I so shitting bored," Hidan moaned aloud in growing impatience. The members, all of them, even Pein and Konan had sprawled themselves some where in the lounge room attending or at least trying occupy themselves with something…occupying.

" Why are we in here again, Kakuzu?" Sasori asked, glaring up from his little puppet corner; he was currently fixing a few of his battle damaged puppets.

Pein had Konan force, considerably blackmail them all into the lounge for an urgent meeting, knowing well that they would never get out of their rooms, otherwise.

" I told you," Kakuzu seethed, " every damn other room has a fucking hole located in some part of the ceiling because they're so cheap," He stated, sitting down on of the couches, " so unless you want to drown puppet boy, shut the hell up," he said, switching on the light flick.

Sasori stared coldly at Kakuzu, who was doing a darn good job at ignoring him.

No one spoke after that for what seemed to be the longest time. The undying silence was killing them.

Suddenly, Tobi appeared from the bathroom, his hands hidden behind his back, with an orange look on his face. It always was. He hoped over to the brooding people, feeling highly pleased with himself.

Deidara eyed him warily, " Tobi, please, the last thing we need is shit greetings, yeah" he sighed, molding the clay into his hands and slouching into the couch seat.

Tobi tilted his head in a confused manner, " Eh, Sempai, it's not poop, it's something else," he said mischievously.

Kisame snickered in amusement, " well nothing from the bathroom can be good Tobi, if that's what your getting at," he added, leaning against his sword; he had placed himself on the ground for unknown reasons.

"No, no, it's really fun! We can do more than one thing with it!" He hinted, turning his head around, searching for an understanding face.

" You mean like a multi-tasker? We could use one of those around here…" Pein said thoughtfully, pondering on that subject.

Tobi looked at his leader and shook his head, " nu-uh, it's a game, Leader-san!" he gave away, but slumped his shoulder when nobody responded.

" A game? You got a game behind your hands?" White Zetsu questioned, while Black Zetsu seemed to be getting increasingly annoyed.

" It's a deck of cards!" He said with a surprise, waving the little box around in his hands.

Kakuzu stood up and grabbed the box from Tobi, "hey, Kakuzu-san!" Tobi protested at the action, but went quiet when Kakuzu stared at him. Kakuzu examined the box carefully, sniffing and mapping every little detail.

" Ah, yes…it's definitely a box of cards," he confirmed, while everyone else sighed in relief. They thought Tobi found 'other' things in the bathroom apart form the deck of cards; you never know what one might come across in the bathroom.

" Why was there a deck of cards in the bathroom anyway?" Sasori questioned, raising a brow in disgust.

" Yeah, for all we know, Tobi could've fucking shitted on them," Hidan noted, while Deidara and Sasori nodded in complete agreement.

" Language people, language," Pein scolded plainly, in attempts of calming the others down; it barely helped.

" Let's play cards," Konan abruptly said, while everyone else turned her way shockingly. The fact that Konan spoke to them, was highly interesting in itself, much less what she said.

" Yay! Tobi wants to play cards! Let's play," Tobi said giddily, clapping his hands and running to hug Konan, but stopped when Pein's cold hard eye's landed on him. Oh, if looks could kill, Tobi would've been to hell and back three times.

" Okay, un, if you say so," Deidara agreed in a heartbeat. The others mumered their share of yes's and Pein directed everyone to sit around the circular table in the middle of the lounge.

Once seated, Hidan began talking, "okay, so how the fuck do we play?" He asked impatiently.

" That depends on what you want to play," Kakuzu replied smoothly, shuffling the cards with skill and felt inwardly pleased when he saw Tobi and white Zetsu look in pure bliss and awe.

" How 'bout Cheat, yeah?" Deidara proposed to the group.

" That'll take far to long and predicted cards are easy when people play dumb moves," Sasori blunted out, crossing his arms and pushing his back into the sofa behind him.

" President anyone? With poker hands?" Kisame asked casually and grinned seeing interest spark in the group.

" We don't have enough cards, Kisame," Itachi finally spoke, looking straight a head, "we'll need at least 2 decks, since we have nine people," he pointed out logically.

Tobi suddenly held up a 'one moment' finger and galloped back into the washroom. Th group stared at the bathroom door in growing anticipation, as loud crashing and banging could be heard. Tobi's head popped out from the side and the rest of his body followed.

" Here we go! Tobi found this! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi exclaimed contentedly, as everyone gazed at the other deck of cards Tobi had just thrown on the table.

Black Zetsu stared at them intently, "are you positive you didn't shit on them or something?" He said doubtfully.

" Tobi is a good boy, so of course Tobi is positive!" He sniffed, sitting back down beside Deidara.

" Alright let's fucking play now," Hidan said, opening the second deck of cards and swiftly shuffling them with nimble fingers. Kakuzu watched intensely; it looked like had competition.

" Wait a second, so every mother fucker here knows how to play, right?" Hidan said, looking up form the cards, glancing around. Tobi timidly raised his hands, only slightly though, but Deidara caught him.

" Oh my god, un! Tobi, you find the cards but you don't know how to play, yeah," he questioned incredulously, while Tobi vigoursly nodded his head.

" But Sempai I-"

" Okay, the rules are simple: your dealt a hand of cards, three of diamonds starts, and basically you go in a circle placing any card higher than the one put before, un. If you're staring the circle, yeah, you can decide to put singles, doubles or triples, whatever's in your favour. The aim is to get rid of your cards first, yeah. If you don't have a higher card than the one before, you say pass, it goes from 3 all the way to king and then ace, 2 and joker is the highest, yeah" Diedara explained, while Tobi nodded far to much to be considered nodding.

" We'll play without chains, burns, suits and poker hands for this round" Pein abruptly said, before Deidara could continue explaining the poker hands. He knew that no one could defy him and wouldn't be trying any time soon. Truth be told, he wasn't very good at cards, so the easier it was, the better.

" Alright, I'll deal," Kakuzu said, picking up both piles and using quickly fishing everybody a pile of cards in front of them, " whose got three of diamonds from the red pack?" Kakuzu asked. Everybody was exceptionally busy smirking at their fortunate or sulking at their misfortunate cards. They started at Kisame and went in a circle.

Kisame threw down the card; he was feeling awfully content about losing his lowest card. Itachi threw a four, followed by Zetsu throwing a five, then Sasori threw down a seven, Diedara cursed and tossed an eight, Tobi confusedly placed a nine Kakuzu put a ten, Hidan put down a jack Pein followed with a queen and Konan topped it with a king.

" Are you fucking getting this Tobi?" Hidan asked between the game.

" Tobi is liking it very much," he nodded contentedly as the game presumed.

The game continued on in the same manner until everybody had around five to ten cards in their hand and the only person that was enjoying themselves was Tobi, and surprisingly, Konan only because she was winning with only three cards in left in her and considering that it was her, no doubt they were good cards.

Kakuzu placed a down a king, smirking. " Fuck you, Kakuzu!" Hidan yelled, glaring down at his cards; they were all lower than a king. So much for saving the best for last.

" Prez," Konan called out abruptly, making Kakuzu's victory short lived. She placed down a joker on Kakuzu's King.

" Where the hell did you pull that joker out from, yeah," Deidara groaned, while Konan simply turned to him.

" It was in my hand," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She shifted from her stiff position on the floor and comfortably seated herself on the couch.

"That bitch, bet she fucking cheated…"

" What was that, Hidan," Konan said, sharply eyeing Hidan like a hawk. He shifted closer to Pein, who moved a meter away in response.

" Wait! Sempai, you never told Tobi about ranks!" Tobi squealed at the group.

" Ranks? What ranks?" Zetsu piped up in curiosity.

Kakuzu sighed at their obliviousness, " ranks. First is President, the vice-president, then the one's in between are neutral and then second last is vice-bum and finally the loser is bum. With a capital," he added plainly, while the rest of them suddenly became very alert of their current cards and positions.

" Ranks, fucking ranks, why didn't you fucking say so, Kakuzu!" Hidan shouted, shuffling through his cards organizing them.

" I must achieve vice-prez or I'll be a shame to the Uchia clan," Itachi declared, boldly.

" Oh no you don't you fucking blind bat! I'm gonna be vice, yeah!" Deidara stated, hot-headedly, pointing a thumb at himself.

" You overly conceited fools seem to be mistaken. I'm the one who will be vice," Sasori said cooly, but challengingly, " oh, and what clan are you exactly talking about Itachi," he adding purring, making Itachi growl.

" The extinct one!" Black Zetsu joked, as he and Sasori chuckled quietly. White Zetsu vigoursly began to apologize to Itachi, who looked as though he were ready to pounce on those two if it weren't for Kisame restraining him back.

" No, you seem to be the one who's fucking mistakened, wood cock, " Hidan corrected, as Sasori growled at the nickname, " I'm gonna be the fucking vice!" He yelled at the group.

" Hidan stop being delusional, it's bad for your health. I believe I seem to have the most acquired card skills here apart from Konan here! I'm settling for nothing less the vice!" Kakuzu said gruffly, jumping in and arguing.

" I have the best shot here at vice…after all, I am part fish," Kisame smirked wholly, while the rest of them looked him with a 'are-you-dumb' stare.

" Kisame," Itachi spoke, "I believe you are mistaken, you see because your part fish you'll lose, not vice versa," he stated with his usual poker face.

Kisame gasped dramatically, gazing at Itachi, " your prejudice against fish! And here I though we were friends!" He said softly, before turning away, while Itachi sighed in response. He could be so sensitive at times.

" Tobi thinks he should be vice!" Tobi cut in, hollering out, happily.

Hidan gave a him ' do-you-have-something-up-your-ass' look before speaking, " and why the fuck should you fucking be vice?" He questioned.

" Because Tobi is a good boy!" He shined, answering cheerfully with silence following from the group shortly.

" For the love of god, someone please shove a sock up his mouth, yeah."

" By all fucking means, it'll be my fucking pleasure."

" Kisame-san! Help!" Tobi whined, running behind Kisame's broad back, while he simply chuckled at the actions.

" Quiet down, pe-"

" Tobi you shit, get your fucking Jashin ass over here," Hidan said, grabbing his scythe and running after him.

" This is getting out of han-"

" Tobi, un! Your so exploding when I find you, yeah!" Deidara shouted, dashing after them, knocking Itachi in the way.

" Ow."

" Don't shitting hide behind me, Tobi," Black Zetsu snarled, "yeah, we're not that, big," White Zetsu defended.

" Big? Are you kidding me? We could sell your planty little ass, and still have enough money to go on vacation and back," Kakuzu laughed, as Zetsu grew angry.

" Everyone s-"

" Have you seen yourself Zetsu? Like actually, in a mirror without breaking it? " Kisame questioned, " the only reason the doors are this big is because of you," he snickered in amusement, while Kakuzu nodded.

" Yeah, and every foot more is, like, what…1000 dollars extra," Kakuzu shivered, just at hearing the price.

" SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN OR I'LL THROW YOU ALL IN THE RAIN AND YOU CAN ROT OUT THERE! JUST ROT!" Pein yelled at the top of his lungs; considerably pretty loud.

Everyone immidetaly stopped whatever antics they were up to and froze. Pein sighed calmly, closing his eyes then opening them slowly. When he did, they were all seated peacefully around the table again looking elsewhere or filing their nails, particularly Sasori.

" Good, now finish the game and we'll see who's vice," Pein said, seating himself back down. He couldn't believe he had to stand for that.

" You didn't have to scream, un," Deidara sniffed, but stopped when Pein turned his cold eyes towards him, "okay, un! I get it, yeah! Let's start playing!" He said, throwing his hands up in defeat.

" Alright, Kisame, it was your turn," Konan called out from the couch and was about to intervene when Pein just had to go and scream.

Kisame started off with and eight, then Itachi tossed down a ten and Zetsu placed a queen and Sasori placed a king.

" Oh my god, un! Couldn't you people put something lower, yeah! Pass, un!" Deidara groaned at his luck; such bad, bad luck.

" Fucking pass," Hidan muttered, lamely looking at his cards; things were not looking good.

" Ace," Kakuzu called out slyly, while the rest of the group shook their heads, " what, no one can top a Ace? Are you kidding me," he said, starting a new pile; triples.

" Finally fucking time yeah!" Hidan yelled with a smirk plastering his face. " Thank you, un!" Deidara sighed in reassurance.

They both seemed to have a triples pairs, which they both threw down leaving them with only 4 cards each.

" Anyone else wanna fucking top that?" Hidan said coyly.

" Oh, Tobi will!" Tobi said, as he threw down two 2's, as Hidan gaped.

" You so cannot fucking do that! I'll sacrifice you!" He screeched.

" Actually, that is quite the valid move. If you are playing triples, others are eligible to lay down two 2's," Itachi stated as a matter of factly.

" Go to hell Tobi, yeah," Deidara snorted, glaring down at his cards, leaving a very confused Tobi and the rest were feeling extremely amused at Deidara and Hidan's antics.

" Your bleeding."

Kakuzu shot his head up, as did Pein, " who's bleeding, Sasori?" Pein asked with concern.

" Itachi, your bleeding," Sasori said passively, not looking up from his cards.

" Oh my god, un, you are!" Deidara chimed in, staring at Itachi.

" I believe I know whether I'm bleeding or not, thank you very much," Itachi replied back, gazing back down a his cards.

" Your cards, you fucktard. We can see your fucking cards. It's called bleeding," Hidan snickered, while Kisame and Kakuzu face palmed silently.

Itachi was silent for a few moments, before speaking, " I knew that."

" Please, and Kakuzu can look at a damage bill without passing out," Sasori retaliated back, while Hidan nodded in agreement.

" But your cards aren't bad, you could probably fucking, win t-"

" Moving on," Pein interrupted Hidan's speech, "let's continue."

Meanwhile, Kisame seemed awfully quiet, but for a good reason; he was obviously going to be vice-president and he knew it.

" Tobi, you start the next pile," Kakuzu said, and Tobi tossed two 5's. Kakuzu followed with two 8's, Hidan threw down two 10's, Pein pulled out two jacks. They were all left with two cards, so when no one passed Pein's double, he started the next pile. He threw down his remain two cards and got up to join Konan, who was now watching T.V peacefully.

" Vice- prez." He called out, while the rest stared at his back, mouth agape. Kisame cursed silently; he would have to at least achieve third neutral.

" How the fuck…what the fuck!" Hidan roared, " He fucking must have cheated," he began, but shut up, when Kakuzu knocked on him on the head lightly.

" Like hell he cheated, yeah! Someone, scan him, un!" Deidara started jumping up, like Hidan.

" He's a leader. He would never cheat." Kakuzu stated with awe, shimmering. " I agree," Itachi said, while Kisame and Zetsu nodded in agreement.

"Tobi is a good boy! Tobi will get the scanner!" He said getting up.

Itachi looked up at him oddly, " we have on of those?" he questioned, while Tobi nodded.

" Hai, Itachi-san! Tobi saw it in the bathroom in leader-san's room!" He replied, joyfully.

Pein sharply turned his head to Tobi, " how did you find my quarters?" He questioned sharply, while Tobi tilted his head in confusion.

" Quarters? Oh, no Leader-san, not your quarters," he laughed off, " Tobi found your room. Room leader-san," he corrected with glee.

" Who was it that suggested shoving a sock up his mouth?"

" It was me, yeah."

" Good Deidara, do that and I'll raise your pay," Pein nodded from the couch.

Kakuzu looked at Pein with interest, " where exactly do you hide this…stash of quarters?" he asked deviously, while Pein felt like bashing his head against a wall. He didn't respond to Kakuzu and merely turned away; were they all this idiotic?

" I believe he was referring to his room, as in quarters. Not the actual value currency of quarters," Itachi coughed, while Pein nodded.

_Thank you Itachi, at least someone's sane around here,_ Pein thought inwardly to himself.

" Sit down, kids," Black Zetsu growled in response, speaking particularly to Deidara, Hidan and Tobi.

" Your all senile, yeah."

" Look who's talking, girly,"

" I am not a girl, Sasori Danna!" Deidara fumed, turning a good shade of red in reply.

" Your hair says otherwise."

" Can you all shut up and we can finish this. Honestly, I got better things to do that, baby-sit a bunch of moronic, dysfunctional criminals," Konan sated calmly, snapping up from the couch.

" You really aren't in any position to be saying that," Kisame sighed quietly from the side, as Pein seated her back down.

" Alright, Kisame your turn 'cause Leader-san is done," Sasori said, while Kisame threw down his last two cards, as well. It was a double 8, his last two cards.

" 3rd neutral," he called out smoothy, leaning back on his sword.

" This is getting fucking annoying…" Hidan trailed off eyeing Kisame testily, while Deidara nodded.

" It better not go on like this, yeah. I swear, the next person who ge-"

" 4th neutral," Itachi called, throwing down his double pair of queen, but didn't move from his position on the ground, leaving a very abashed Deidara behind.

" Pass," Zetsu stated warily, eyeing his last to cards.

" Pass," Sasori called out lamely, getting awfully bored no, mainly because he was loosing drastically.

Deidara smirked at his cards and placed a joker, " Anyone wanna top that, yeah," he grinned, " no, I didn't think so, un," he said, throwing his last card down, which by thanks was a low 4. At least he left his best for last.

" 5th neutral, losers, yeah," he stated, beaming.

Sasori had just about had it. Being beat by Itachi was fine, but by his own colleague who was younger than him, was a problem. It was just not universally possible.

" I'm dropping out," he said calmly, getting up from his seat on the ground.

" Fuck, you can't do that!" Hidan yelled, grabbing Sasori's hand and pulling him back down to his seat.

" He's right, no resigning or dropping out," Pein stated form his place on the couch, as Sasori glared at him and Hidan.

" Fine, you twits, I'll play," he brooded, sitting back down.

" It's Tobi's turn! Tobi starts a new pile with a 7!" He said with enthusiasm no one else really had.

Kakuzu yawned and threw down a 2, " no one gonna top that? Excellent," he stated, throwing his last card down, while Kisame gave him a thumbs up.

" What the bloody shit! Kakuzu, you fuck, how could you!" Hidan complained for the 7th time that day.

" Oh, how couldn't I Hidan?" He replied back, feeling rather smug with himself. At least he wasn't in the bum's.

That left Zetsu, Sasori, Tobi and Hidan in the game and it was Zetsu's turn next. Deidara looked at Zetsu's hand awkwardly, " Yo Zetsu, why do you have three cards, yeah?" He asked quizzically.

Damn. Had been caught, " I…uh…I'm not very good at cards so…" he laughed off sheepishly, making Deidara eye him suspiciously. Didn't everybody have two cards? So where did Zetsu pull out the third on from?

" Oh and Itachi, your bleeding un, " Deidara added bluntly and resumed to kneading his clay.

" Deidara. I am currently not in possession of any card so a-"

" No you fuck, your really bleeding this time, like shitting real blood!" Hidan shouted.

Kisame horridly turned to Itachi, only to find his eyes bleeding, " yeah…your eyes are bleeding Itachi," he confirmed. As soon as he said that, Itachi got up and sped off to the lounge washroom.

" Do you think he was using his eye justu's to peep at our cards?" Kakuzu brought up suddenly and everybody looked his way, thinking on that matter.

" Nah," Deidara waved off, " you'd need some guts to do that, yeah. 'Cause if it were really true we'd beat him up and chuck him out in the rain, un," he pointed out, while the other including Pein and Konan nodded in agreement.

" Zetsu, hurry the fuck up man," Hidan called out form the side. Zetsu placed a 9, leaving him with two cards.

Sasori's eyes lit up as he saw the one card, " finally," he sighed, placing down a jack. Hidan followed with a queen, now only leaving them both with one card each.

Tobi slugged a bit, " Tobi must pass because Tobi is a good boy," he said, fiddling around with the two remaining cards in his hands.

" No, Tobi must pass because to fucking has no other fucking choice," Hidan corrected, pointing a finger at Tobi.

"Zetsu stop glaring at your cards, yeah. Your gonna scare them un," Deidara noted from the side, while Zetsu growled at him.

" I pass," he said chumly. Hidan was feeling exceptionally gleeful at that moment because if no one topped his queen he would win.

" 7th neutral you morons," Sasori smiled coyly, slapping down a king and Hidan swore like there was no tomorrow.

" Calm down, it's your turn so your turn, so your 8th neutral. You only have one card left," Kakuzu soothed out and Hidan stopped swearing and was just about to play his last card when Itachi's croaked voice came out from the bathroom.

" Who disfunctioned the toilet pipes?" His voice asked from the bathroom, while the others glanced around in confusion.

" Tobi, what exactly did you do when you were in the bathroom?" Pein imposed the questioned from his spot on the couch.

Tobi gazed up innocently, " well, those cards were hard to find you know..so Tobi had to cut stuff…" he trailed off, as Kisame rushed to the bathroom, with Kakuzu on his tail.

" What the fuck!" They heard from the bathroom, thinking of one word: Kakuzu.

Deidara ran over to the bathroom followed by Hidan, all crowding around the bathroom door. Silence followed outside, they were wondering what happened.

Hidan and Deidara walked back casually, " Kakuzu fucking passed out from looking at the damage, wait till he gets the fucking actual bill," Hidan yawned, folding his arms behind his head.

" What about Itachi?" Konan asked in curiosity. Diedara grinned devilishly, " if he though loosing at cards would shame the Uchia pride, how do you think he feels about having his face covered in loo water and toilet shit," Deidara grinned, while Zetsu and Pein, hearing this ran over to bathroom. This needed to be pictured.

Unfortunately for them, Kisame had already made that Itachi face looked clean as ever. " You just had to go a ruin a good picture, fish stick," Black zetsu said, rolling his eye.

" It's true, that would have been a marvellous picture…" Pein added sotictically, while Kisame looked throttled.

" I'm holding two men here, mind helping me out?" He questioned adjusting the hold of the two bodies, but Pein and Zetsu aimlessly wandered back into the lounge room.

" 8th fucking neutral!" Hidan shouted out in glory, not even bothering to sit down.

" Oh my god, un! That took long enough!" Deidara huffed from his standing position.

" Shut it, girly, at least I'm not a fucking dumb blonde!" Hidan hissed back, as Deidara growled.

" Oh you did not just call me that, yeah! I am smart, yeah. That's why I didn't come so close to bum, un! " He shouted back, crossing his arms.

" You need a fucking reality check, Blondie!" He yelled back.

" Shut it you two!" Kisame shuffled into the room, with a staggering Itachi on one side and a passed out Kakuzu on the other.

" Oh my…" Konan began, looking at all three of them, as Kakuzu began to come around.

" Tobi you little shit, do you have a death wish," Kakuzu said, now holding up on his own.

" But Kakuzu-san Tobi didn't do anything wrong," Tobi whined, stepping back and Kakuzu strides forward like a predator.

" Do you have any idea how much that's going to cost us!" He shrieked, as Tobi winced.

" B-u-s-t-e-d, busted, yeah," Deidara smirked in a singing tone of voice.

" Tobi is so sorry!" Tobi yelled, running around the room with Kakuzu hot on his heals.

" Itachi are you feeling well?" Kisame asked with concern laced in his voice. Itachi held a hand up and Kisame let go of his shoulders.

" I've been better but I thank y-"

And his breath was knocked short as Tobi came crashing into him, both being flung against a wall and before Tobi knew it, he had Kakuzu and Kisame on his tail, worst part being that they couldn't get out of the room.

Pein had already stood up and proceeded to going over to Itachi who was leaning against the side wall, " would you like to sit down, Itachi?" Pein asked.

" Yes, that would be nice, you have my than-"

" Move!"

But it was to late as Tobi, Kakuzu and Kisame crashed into the wall. Pein had moved himself and Itachi just in time before the colossal collapse of the bathroom wall, which began bust open pipes that started to leak.

Sasori sighed, watching the commotion unfold, " I'll go get the sand bags," he said, walking over to a closet in the corner.

Kakuzu had seemingly passed out by looking at the leaks, Tobi had somehow managed to seat himself back at the table and Kisame was struggling under the weight of the walls.

" By the way, un. What happened to the bum and vice-bum, yeah?" Deidara said looking at Konan.

" Yes, Tobi is bum and Zetsu is vice-bum," she stated calmly.

" Eh? Tobi is a good boy, so why is Tobi bum?" Tobi whined childishly, turning around for answers.

" Yeah…come to fucking think of it, Tobi had a winning hand..I saw his fucking last card," Hidan agreed while the others who were in speakable state shook their heads.

" But I thought Zetsu had no cards left, un. He onl-"

" You see this is why your a fucking, stupid moron, if you had seen Tobi's card the you wo-"

" You're both being unreasonable just calm down, brats and we-"

"Shut up wood cock, Zetsu must've cheated..it was fucking strange how he had three cards all of a sudden s-"

" Well maybe that because he sucks, yeah," Deidara replied back sharply.

" Then why the fuck did he get vice-bum and not fucking bum if he sucks?" Hidan countered.

" We're missing a card, brats," Sasori said, shuffling through the decks, while the others turned in confusion. Kakuzu looked enraged, while everyoen else silently knew what was coming.

" WHAT! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT CARD WAS WORTH!" Kakuzu screamed again.

" Aren't you fucking over-reacting a bit too much," Hidan pointed out, " it's just one fucking card," he shrugged lamely.

"ONE CARD! ONE CARD!" Kakuzu repeated with eeriness that made Hidan shiver. "WHERE IS THE CARD! FIND IT!"

" I still think Zetsu's vice-bum and didn't cheat, yeah," Deidara said seriously.

" And I still fucking think that Tobi is vice-bum and Zetsu fucking cheated!" Hidan hollered back.

" AND I THINK THAT, WHO EVER LOST THE CARD IS GOING TO _DIE_!"

Pein sighed, and rubbed his temples, " calm down, pe-"

" Maybe it went down the toilet…" Kisame said, from his position under the walls.

" No Kisame, I did not vomit the card out," Itachi called from the corner couch, as Konan shifted over to the other one.

" Here is what we'll do," Pein began, " Hidan you check the halls, Deidara cover the underground floors, Kisame you stay there so the walls don't collapse, Itachi stay there or else you may puke all over the base, Sasori continue with the sandbag wall, Kakuzu calm down and go check the other rooms, Konan will check my office, Tobi you've caused enough trouble for today and I will double check here," he ended, while everyone else began shuffling around the room

" Oh, what about Zetsu, yeah," Deidara stopped and turned around.

Pein nodded, " yes, I'll get to that. This will be a search party in order to find that card and we'll thoroughly look the house in order find is, so Zetsu you can go look for the card in t-"

" I ate it."

"..."

"…"

The rain had suddenly stopped, just in time, as Zetsu ran out the room from his raging criminal comrades, out the leaked base and into the glorious sunlight. A plant on the run in the sun was a certainly a strange sight to behold.

* * *

><p>Ah, well there goes another chapter, another day in their criminal lives passed time by playing cards :)<p>

And yes, Zetsu did eat the card becuse he sucks and didn't want to lose if anyone was wondering.

I hope you enjoyed reading it, as much a I enjoyed writing ^_^"

Do review, you have my thanks :3

Next chapter: Hide and Seek :)


	3. Hide and Seek

**Dislamer: **Of course I don't own Naruto ^_^"

* * *

><p><strong>C<strong>**hapter 3: Hide and seek**

It was mornings like these, that Pein enjoyed to and endless extent. Courtesy of his fellow Akatsuki waking up extremely late was probably the reason, or the fact that he was up 4 in the morning was a more practical guess. Nobody else woke up that early except Pein. He would have slept in if it were not for arriving late at the base the previous night. He had left things in Konan's care to go do some unfinished business.

He walked into the kitchen, only to find Konan already seated and silently drinking coffee. Oddly she was here earlier than him, but he payed no attention to that, it was probably just on of 'once-in-a-while' things.

She turned her head up to him to speak, " good morning, Pein," she said and he nodded in response.

He sat in his usual spot, as she she handed him a cup of coffee, "thank you," he replied. She gave a wry look in return, but didn't speak.

They sat in silence for the longest time, maybe over and hour or so, when Konan spoke.

" Pein," she began, getting his attention.

" Hmm?" He said, beckoning her to continue and she sighed.

" It's quiet," she stated.

Pein raised a brow questioningly, "yes, it is always this peaceful and quiet in the morning, Konan," he retaliated back.

She sighed again in a melancholy manner, " I mean it's too quiet," she corrected her earlier words.

Pein put his cup down and stared at her, "is there something I should know?" He asked. Pein grew curious when she didn't respond.

She got up and poured the remaining coffee in sink, " no, there is nothing you should no. Nothing at all," she said in her monotone facade and walked out the room leaving a startled and alert Pein. After sitting in another few minuted of silence he got up and had his suspicions targeted.

_Somethings wrong_, he confirmed inwardly, pushing out his chair and stalling out the room.

For the next two hours, Pein spent his time dallying around the lounge because it was the darkest part in the base at these early morning hours. He enjoyed his doing his paper work in the dark. His stopped writing suddenly, feeling that something was unusually off.

Sasori, Zetsu and Itachi should have been up by this hour, but there was not a sense of them around. There awakening was always followed by Kisame and Kakuzu and finally Deidara and Hidan. Pein was never too sure about Tobi since he always appeared out of no where on any time and occasion.

_This abnormality needs to be investigated,_ he thought. Pein put his papers back inside the desk with the brushes and stridded out the room, his pace speeding by the moment.

Even the halls were quiet, not a peep out of their rooms or no flushing of the toilets. Nothing.

Pein paced quickly around the grey halls and stopped when he turned right on a corner at the strange sight before him.

" Deidara, what, pray tell are you doing?" Pein asked passively, looking up at him.

Deidara stared down at him in utter silence. Pein hated how everyone was ignoring him today. Deidara chuckled sheepishly, feeling very shocked that he had been found, " I'm…uh…I was…yeah….I'm combing my hair! See, un!" He said abruptly and started combing his fingers through his blonde hair in demonstration.

Pein was not buying it. No one would.

I, mean no one sits in the _ventilation_ system and combs their hair at 6 in the morning.

" Can't this job be done else where, preferably away from the vents, Deidara?" Pein questioned again. His suspicions were growing highly alert.

" Um…no un…eh, you see my hair needs special ca-"

" Holy fuck, Deidara, why on earth did you bring so many fucking wires! We only needed fucking half!" Hidan's voice called from inside the vent while Deidara face palmed in agony. He just had to scream when Pein was standing on the ground below them, staring at them with his usual poker face.

It was surprising to see these two awake this early, much less be at work.

" Hidan, may I ask why you have perched yourself in that position as well?" Pein voice came. He couldn't see Hidan, but Pein could damn well hear him.

Hidan stopped rambling and swore quietly from inside the vent while Deidara gave him 'I-told-you" glare.

He appeared at the end of the vent, next to Deidara, " I was…uh…fucking going to…ah…well you s-"

" He was asking me hair tips on how to keep his hair long and shiny, yeah!" Deidara cut in clasping a hand over Hidan's mouth before he could proceed.

Pein raised an eyebrow, still clearly not buying it, " I see, but why do you need 1000 wires for that?" Pein wondered with increasing curiosity.

" Mmmpff!" Hidan said, his words being muffled by Deidara's hand still pressing on his mouth, "Because we were fuc-"

" Eh, heh heh, we were using the wires to uh…using them to um w-"

" We were going to fucking fix the vents after we finished our fucking hair do's!" Hidan interrupted, grabbing Deidara's hand of his mouth.

" Hair do's?" Pein said, crossing his arms, "I appreciate your concern towards the ventilation system, but I recall Kakuzu saying he fixed them last week," Pein argued back.

Hidan felt as though he was going blow up in the vents, not because of the Deidara though. Did leader have to be so nosy and intelligent?

No. He didn't. But he was.

" Well Kakuzu's an old fart and doesn't know the definition of fix, yeah," Deidara snorted back, fiddling with the wires in his hand.

" Yeah, he did such a fucking bad job so now we're fixing it!" Hidan yelled, trying his best to put on a it's-not-what-it-looks-like act.

" Oh I see," Pein stated, feeling a bit more reassured that they weren't doing anything out of abnormality.

" Well, back to fucking lighting up - mmfph!"

Deidara laughed awkwardly, " eh, hah ha…what he meant was we're gonna get back to fixing the vents with lights, yeah!" He said, while Hidan made incoherent noises under his hand.

Pein sighed and nodded, " carry on," he said while walking below them, not looking back.

Deidara watched until Pein's figure disappeared down the grey hall and then let go of Hidan's mouth.

" Blaaah!" Hidan coughed, spitting, " what the fuck man! Are you okay!" He screamed.

Deidara raised an eye brow, " I should be the one asking that, yeah," he replied back testily.

Hidan wiped the spit of his chin, " your hand was fucking kissing me!" He screeched, while Deidara looked slightly amused.

" Excuse me, un!" He said with sass, that probably no one else at the base possessed. "My hand has higher standards as to who it kisses, yeah!" Deidara shot back, crossing his arms and looking at Hidan with disgust.

Hidan looked at him, jaws dropped, " you fucking kiss people with your hands?" He asked incredulously.

" No, un! That's not what I meant, yeah!" He sighed back warily, " Just shut up, un," he added lamely.

Hidan glared at him, " make me, blonde fuck," he said cooly before turning around and picking up wires, "god it's fucking crammed in here, I bet even the toilet's not this crammed," he complained, adjusting around.

" Fuck, where'd the other w-mmfpf!"

" I told you to shut up, un! But you didn't listen,yeah," Deidara snickered, once more placing his hand on Hidan's mouth.

" You fucking pervert! I'm gonna sacrifice you!" Hidan roared, moving Deidara's hand off his mouth and catching a hold of his neck. They rolled around in whatever little space they had, which was less than 2 feet or so, trying to gain dominance of one another.

" Let go, un!"

" I will when I have your body fucking chopped up!" Hidan shouted back.

" Katsu!"

Pein sighed heavily, walking down the hallway. Even three corridors down, Pein could here the rambling of Deidara and Hidan. But at least he had confirmed the location and what they were up to. Now he had to seek out all the others…where ever they were.

Gracefully walking down another hall, he took a turn on left where Sasori's room was located. He hoped that he wasn't up to anything strange.

Pein grew alert, sensing Sasori's chakra was in defense against something…but who? Him? He stopped at Sasori's door when he saw it was locked- with hand seals.

Stopping the urge to roll his eyes, he quickly un-did them and proceed inside the room. He stopped after a few steps after his eyes gazed over the unusually large amount of poisons in the room and Sasori's puppet, Hiruko in one corner of the room.

" Sasori? Are you in there?" Pein asked nonchalantly, walking up to the puppet.

" No, go away. I'm not here."

Pein really did roll his eyes his time; what did they think he was, a pigeon?

" Sasori, might I know why you have all these…defences up? And why are you hiding inside Hiruko?" Pein questioned, standing over Sasori.

" I'm not hiding."

"…"

" I'm not hiding, what makes you think I'm hiding?" Sasori's voice came.

Pein sighed, " you locked your door with seals, you have poisons scattered throughout the room and your inside a non-working puppet," he said as a matter of factly.

" So what?" Sasori said, stalling and wasting time.

Pein felt a sudden migraine coming, "I will have to confiscate these poisons if you do not tell me," Pein said strictly, getting to the point.

He heard Sasori click around a bit before speaking, " I was…fixing Hiruko…uh…from the inside," he mumbled, while Pein raised an eyebrow in disbelief. Did Sasori ever mumble or stutter? Nope.

" Really now?"

" I assure you that was all I'm was doing, nothing more Leader-san. It's not like I'm making home decor or pretty items that can be used on more than one occasion," Sasori said monotonously.

Pein simply rubbed his temples in response; he really didn't know what was going on with these people today.

" Alright carry on," Pein muttered and stridded out the room without making a sound.

" hmm," was Sasori's reply.

Pein, once again found himself in the empty grey halls. He retraced his steps and took the second right, to see if anyone else wad there. He saw one of the rooms half creaked and open with the lights on.

He stopped and turned in the direction of the door. Once reaching it, he creaked it open and believed he was dreaming.

" Kisame…" Pein trailed off, staring at Kisame, who for some apparent reason was covered in white frosting and was sprawled on the bed blowing balloons.

" Leader-san!" Kisame jumped up and out the bed, " I can explain!" he rushed forward in hesitance.

" There's no need, Kisame," Itachi's calm voice came from the bathroom.

Pein face may have looked normal, but on the inside he was confused and unpreparedly worried, "Itachi…what on earth are you doing with those animal balloons?" Pein asked, standing still on the spot.

" I was playing with them."

"…"

It was times like these when Pein wondered why heaver hired these people. _Why?_

Pein couldn't help but look abashed and repeat his words, "what?"

" I said, I was playing with them," Itachi repeated, while Kisame was trying to rid the frosting off his cloak, but failed with no avail.

" I believe you have better things to do than play with animal balloons," Pein replied back, crossing his arms, "where did you obtain such things anyway?" He added.

" W-we were going to..uh….you see," Kisame rambled on, moving his hands around. This was getting now where.

" What we do in our rooms shouldn't be your concern, nor where we got them from. We wanted to play so we're playing," Itachi said coldly, tightening his grip on the balloons.

_Oh he did not just say that_, Pein thought inwardly.

Unfortunately, Itachi was, with out a doubt, correct on the matter of personal privacy regrading there rooms. Hence, Pein couldn't have any qualms against Itachi and Kisame blowing balloons. But it was rather worrying to know that your fellow Akatsuki were into…this…this kind of 'stuff'.

" Alright, but do not let any of those wonder around aimlessly around the base or else there will be sever consequences," he warned tersely.

" I beg to differ..." Itachi trailed off.

" What was that you said?"

" I said look at the big dipper," Itachi replied quickly, pointing upward to the sky.

Pein sighed in slight annoyance. There was nothing there, in fact the blinds were closed, so it confused him to no lengths, as to how Itachi see the stars at this hour.

" I'm leaving. Do not do anythign out of the ordinary," he stated strictly, spinnng around on his heals and leaving.

" Of course, Leader-san," Itachi replied as Pein walked out the room, leaving behind a unusually calm Itachi and an extremely baffled Kisame.

" Nice cover up though…I thought we were done for," Kisame sighed, rubbing his forehead.

" Kisame."

Kisame looked up to face Itachi, "yeah, what is it?" He asked.

" Get back to work," he commanded back.

Kisame loftily crossed his arms and turned back to blowing the balloons, " say's the person who's been talking to the balloon animals," he grunted under his breath, but nonetheless got to work.

Pein didn't know how much worse it could get. Or if it could get any worse at this point it the day. Deidara and hidan did seem to be acting weirder than usual and Sasori seemed pretty fishy too. But Kisame and Itachi. They were the most surprising of all, in fact, Pein could hardly begin to believe that what he saw in that room was real. Something was definitely up. I mean what was next, Zetsu and Kakuzu, Pein thought passing the kitchen.

_Zetsu and Kakuzu_? Pein stopped in his tracks and flippantly turned his head back to the walked back to the kitchen. He peeked his head inside, closed his eyes and then turned back around.

When he opened them he walked into the kitchen with his leader like aura.

There was no way he just witnessed Zetsu cooking- no _baking_, Pein told himself reassuringly.

Zetsu was peacefully seated at the kitchen table, wonderlessly drumming his fingers on the table. He didn't turn around, nor did he greet Pein, so Pein decided to be more act forward.

" Zetsu," he spoke, "why does it smell like frosting and baked goods in here?" He questioned bluntly. Pein really didn't have time to ask useless questions. He had asked to many already.

Zetsu turned up to him with an innocent look, " what are you talking about, I don't smell a thing in here," Zetsu stated turning back around. He was no good at hiding either.

" Are you meaning to tell me that it always smells like this in here," Pein replied questioningly.

" Eh…yes. Yes it does."

" Why is the oven on?"

" I was going to turn it off."

" Why is the counter dirty?"

" It's uh…a new sanitary cleaning detergent I was trying out…"

" Is that butter and eggs I see out on the counter?"

"Um…those are ingredients…for…umm…my new plant!" Zetsu snapped brightly, nodding his head.

" Hmmm…is that whipped cream I detect on your hair," Pein stated, much less questioned.

Zetsu touched his head, feeling the light, cool whip cream as he took it on his finger. "Um…no that's something…that's something else!" He said quickly. "It's huh…not whip cream…" black Zetsu trailed off.

_Not whip cream…then what was it?_ Pein mused on that.

Pein looked at Zetsu with a calm facade, " get that vulgarity off your head," he stated, before turning around and leaving.

Once out of Pein's sight, Zetsu fell against the table top and let out a big sigh, " Oh jeez, man that was close," White Zetsu groaned.

" Close? We were gonna get fucking caught!" Black Zetsu grunted out in irritatingly.

" Let's go finish baking, that…thing," White Zetsu said broodingly and walked back over to the oven.

" Whatever," Black Zetsu replied, opening the oven.

Once out of Zetsu's sight, Pein picked up his pace and dived straight into his thoughts. What was up with everyone today? The abnormality level had raised to a whole new level, the place was actually too quiet for once, they were hiding and Pein had no clue as to why. Suddenly, another member, a very hyper one, came to mind.

_Tobi…_ Pein thought, leaving his thoughts unfinished. If the other's were like this, he didn't even want to imagine what the kid was up to.

Pein sensed his chakra around the green house.

Zetsu's green house.

Pein confirmed Tobi's current location when he heard strange, mutated giggling coming from inside. Tobi in a green house filled with dangerous things was the worst possibility one could make, especially on such a day as this.

" Tobi."

Tobi stared up from his crouched position, tilting his head, " Eh? Leader-san!" He squealed in joy.

" Tobi is a good boy, see!" The orange masked man pointed around the green house, "Tobi had been keeping watch of Zetsu-san's garden! Tobi is good boy!" He yelled again, contentedly.

Pein looked around and much to his surprise and befuddlement, everything was still intact and working. Seeing everything working fine, Pein figured Tobi would know what was going on with everyone.

" Tobi, have you noticed the oddity in the base?" Pein questioned casually.

Tobi tilted his head in confusion and got up, " ehh…. Tobi does not know anything…um…but Tobi thinks that leader-san shouldn't go inside right now," Tobi said, laughing a little.

Pein was definitely not buying it; Tobi must know too. Pein crossed his arms a glared cooly at Tobi, " so Tobi know's nothing?" He stated.

Tobi shook his head, " Nope. Tobi knows nothing. Tobi is a good boy," he said slowly, getting sweaty. Pein glinted at him for a moment before turning back around, but Tobi grabbed a hold of his arm.

" Ehh! N-no! Tobi says don't go! Tobi wants you to stay!" He whined ruthlessly, while Pein tried to shake his hand of.

" Tobi," he said, finally snatching his hand away form the man, " what is going on?" Pein questioned calmly.

Tobi fiddled with his hands, sheepishly, " Um…eh heh heh…well…err…you see… you see…well….you se-"

" I've been seeing things since six in the morning," Pein corrected him. It's true, the things he witnessed today…it was a miracle he was still alive with handling such people.

Tobi looked a bit beyond Pein's shoulder and out the greenhouse windows, to see Kakuzu's figure. Kakuzu gave Tobi a thumbs up and Tobi nodded in response. Pein noticed this and whipped his head around just in time to see Kakuzu's running back inside the base. Pein dropped Tobi and paced after him.

" Wait! Leader-san!" Tobi's voice echoed from behind, but Pein kept walking.

Once inside the base, he noticed that all the lights were off. He walked into the darkness, still clearing seeing some light in one particular room. _The lounge?_ He thought mysteriously.

He creaked the door open and thought he would have died right on the spot at the sight before him, if it weren't for him begin leader and all, with his might, pride and glory.

" SURPRISE!" Everyone yelled, including Tobi from behind.

" Fucking surprised, eh?"

"Did you see his face, un? I think he's happy, yeah!"

" I hope you like the cake…"

" The home decor looks nice, no? And it can be used for more than one occasion."

" The balloons were hard to tie…"

" Tch, tell me about it, my blue fingers feel so numb, their _blue,_"

" Aren't they always, Kisame?"

" You shit heads! Do you know how messy the lounge was when I was cleaning it! Just look at the damage bills…"

" Surprise, Leader-san!" Tobi gleefully said form behind, and pushed a very, very surprised Pein into the room.

" What is the meaning of this?" Pein said, trying his oh so, very best to keep his cool and calm and not scream out loud saying 'what the fuck have you been doing.'

Of course, he wouldn't say that. He was the leader. He couldn't.

" Deidara…Hidan…your faces are black with charcoal," Pein stated.

" Well who's fucking fault do you think it is!" Hidan growled towards Deidara, who crossed his arms and turned away.

" Not mine, un! You asked for it, yeah. Rolling around in the wires was your fault, un" he sniffed back, looking away.

Hidan swore, " I did not fucking ask your shitty tongues to pry their way inside my fucking mouth!" He screamed back, while very one else turned to Deidara with strange looks.

He looked back incredulously, " what, un?" He said, rolling his eyes, " it's not like it's that bad," he sighed.

" I knew you were a girl, brat," Sasori stated, fixing someone his decor items, he had made inside of Hiruko.

Deidara looked raged, "I am not a girl, un!"

" Tell some who believes it," Kisame snorted from the side, while Itachi nodded in agreement.

" What the h-"

" Shut the fuck up or I swear I'll fucking sacrifice you, blondie," Hidan muttered from the couch

" Excuse me, un?"

" your excused for life, girly. Now please go die in a corner 'cause we're loosing life here," Black Zetsu blunted out impatiently, while Deidara looked riled up as ever.

" What, un! Just because my hair, yeah!"

"It's _you _and your hair," Kisame corrected smartly, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall.

" Please, having long hair doesn't make you a girl, any more than standing in a green house make you a plant," Deidara shot back flippantly, particularly at Zetsu, who growled at the plant comment.

" You too Jashinsit, go pray somewhere and stop arguing," Kakuzu added, taking a seat down on the sofa.

Hidan looked at Kakuzu angrily, " what the fuck, Kakuzu, why don't I just sacrifice you!" he shouted getting up from his seat.

" Keep the blood and gore outside the base, brats," Sasori said cooly.

" Yeah, or I'll eat you."

"…"

" Zetsu, please do not suggest such things in future discussions," Itachi said calmly, breaking the silence that had fallen after Zetsu's accidental impulse.

" I mean, I hope you like the cake I made," Zetsu corrected quickly, chuckling slightly.

Kakuzu shook his head, " the only reason we let you handle the cooking is because you don't eat human food and Kisame…" Kakuzu trailed off, not wanting to get on the fish man's bad side.

" Kisame was making shit when we let him into the kitchen, un!" Deidara finished off for him. Hey, at least he was honest.

Kisame unfolded his arms and glared at Deidara, " I was not making shit! It was a sponge cake," he stated soberly.

Hidan snorted in response, " Sponge cake? Are you fucking me? I could poke it with my fucking finger and it would fall over like a timber tree, man" He stated grotesquely.

" Is this true, Itachi?" Kisame asked his companion who had been in the kitchen with him while he had been making his 'so called cake'.

"…"

"Well?" Kisame pressed on.

" It was blue and orange."

"…."

" It smelled like loo water."

"…"

"I suppose it was okay," Itachi ended with a passive face, while everyone else snickered at his description.

" Great! You can eat the remainders later!" Kisame said enthusiastically, while Itachi felt his eyes grow wide.

" Remainders?" He asked with a slight shudder.

" Yeah, un! There's remainders just for you, yeah!" Deidara said coyly.

" Fuck yeah…they look like shit, but I guess you can eat them," Hidan added in casually.

" Oh and you-"

" Deidara, shut up and someone kindly explain what is going," Pein finally intervened, knowing that their conversation could go on for the rest of the evening and they wouldn't notice the time fly.

" Konan told us it was your birthday, so w-"

" _My birthday?_" Pein questioned cutting in Tobi, who shrugged in response.

" Yeah, un! Your birthday, yeah," Deidara pressed on, while the others nodded in agreement.

" It's _not _my birthday."

"…"

"_It's not."_

" _WHAT!_" They all screamed in unison, well most of them did.

" Mother fucker!" Hidan swore, " you mean me and fucking blondie here," Hidan said, pointing a thumb at Deidara who nodded in response, " had to fucking put up all these fancy fucking lights and get ourselves burned for no reason, screwing around switches and fucking cramming inside the ventilation system!" He yelled, pointing around the room.

" And I have fucking sore lips and tongue because of some kissing maniac, who's hands can't fucking control themselves!" Hidan bursted out.

"Whoa, un, whoa! Do not insult the hands! They make great art, yeah!" Deidara glared back and he was almost, just almost on good terms with Hidan. Almost.

" And I hid inside Hiruko for 9 hours like a grandma making home decor and for no reason," Sasori stated, glumly, while the others looked at him amusingly.

" Making animal balloons for 4 hours was with Kisame was hard work," Itachi said, with some or no emotion on his face.

" If you call that hard work, then a koala's life would look fucking heroic," Hidan deadpanned from the side lines, while Itachi simply looked away.

"I was forced- no blackmailed to bake a cake for you," White Zetsu grunted, "and we don't even get fuckin' paid for that," Black Zetsu added testily.

" Cleaning the lounge was quite bothersome as well…the damage bill I found," Kakuzu said, "was…increasingly high…and on top of all that I lost the credit card," he ended with as much effort as he could muster.

Itachi stared at Kakuzu indifferently, " why don't you go report it?"

Kakuzu stared up seriously, "Because who ever has it, is spending less than Hidan, Deidara and everyone else," he stated, while the others growled in response.

" The only fuck who had it easy was Tobi," Hidan added.

" Yeah, we figured he'd do nothing but make trouble so we shooed him outside into the green house, yeah," Deidara explained, feeling a bit down now.

" I see." Pein stated. He really didn't know what to say. After all, he wasn't expecting this much a 'surprise' from his fellow Akatsuki.

At the moment, Konan walked in and every male in the room turned their eyes towards her, glaring more or less.

" Konan, what is the meaning of this?" Pein asked calmly. He had been doing a lot of asking today. A lot.

" It's a party," She replied back, swivelling past them and taking a seat on the couch.

" Start talking, bitch," Hidan stated, putting a leg up on the couch, while the others crowded around her looking for a decent explanation. She gave Hidan a cold look before speaking.

" I was bored, so I decided to…liven things up," she said calmly, staring as all of as if nothing out of the unordinary happened.

" Liven things up, by black mailing us at 3 in the morning and getting our asses to work on a party that wasn't even accurate, un?" Deidara asked incredulously, while Konan nodded.

" That basically sums it up," she said.

Pein felt that migraine coming again, as he rubbed his temple slowly, _someone put a stop payment on my reality check, _he thought inwardly.

Then he spoke, " okay, since this is the outcome. I suppose it would be best to eat the cake," Pein began and saw Zetsu's face brighten up, "and everything else, will not go to waste either," Pein added and everyone else sighed reassuringly.

" Good," Pein sighed as well, seating himself on the couch. The others seated themselves around the room in what ever spot felt comfortable.

Silence followed.

" So…un…does any one know _how_ to _start _a party?" Deidara asked whistling.

The others didn't respond, but silent mummers followed meaning that no one actual did no how to 'party'. Especially when they were all criminals…it was a difficult thing.

" I'll got get the sake," Konan said getting up. And all of a sudden everybody did liven up, hearing that. It came naturally. They were merely missing something.

In the noise, Pein gazed up at her, " good, I was wondering what you were going to bring." he said with a passive face and she looked at him before leaving.

" My gift."

* * *

><p>Ah, well there's anotehr chapter :)<p>

Hope you enjoyed reading it XD

Do review, you have my thanks :3


	4. Kindness

**Disclamer**: Of course I don't own Naruto. Not great enough for that :)

* * *

><p>" There is something very wrong here, un," Deidara stated, furrowing his eyebrows together, sitting on the sofa.<p>

" Like fucking hell! This place is worse than usual!" Hidan complained from beside him, arms wrapped under his knees and head resting on his chin.

" Tobi thinks something is wrong. Tobi has never been so confused in his life," Tobi sniffed from his position on the course, he had no choice but to sit on the floor, as Hidan and Deidara had presumably forced him too.

As for how the three of them, who could usually never get along for more than 30 seconds, had ended up here for similar reasons in the lounge together.

" Tobi doesn't have a life, yeah, " Deidara replied, rolling his eyes, while Hidan snickered in response.

" But seriously, what the fuck?" Hidan questioned, staring at the wall in front of him; it was white.

" I'll tell you what the fuck, un," Deidara began, " there's something damn fishy going on here and it's not kisame, yeah," he brooded in contemplation.

" Tobi thinks it's a disease," Tobi said as a matter of factly, being serious for once.

" Oh yeah," Hidan piped up, raising a eyebrow, " what kind of fucking disease, eh? The evil gone fucking bad ass nice!" He yelled, his voice getting steadily louder.

Deidara rubbed his chin thoughtfully, " but honestly, un…what the hell is going on, yeah? I mean, I know I'm youngest in Akatsuki, yeah…but seriously, this is to weird, un," he stated, heaving a sigh.

" Fuck, I know what you fucking mean man," Hidan gunned, running a hand through is combed hair.

" Tobi is feeling the love."

" Tobi should shut up now or I cut your little fucking ass in half," Hidan threatened tiredly, as Deidara grinned at Tobi's shivering followed from the young group of three, as the evening sun peeked through the curtains of the Akatsuki lounge, orange but dim.

The morning was a different story, one that had put them in such a state, where they were actually willing to sit next to each other and talk about it.

" So what they fuck did they do to you?" Hidan asked lazily, but with curiosity.

Tobi stared up at Deidara, who looked at the two and sighed and began.

" This is what happened to me, yeah…"

oOo

Deidara yawned, walking down the Akatsuki halls. He wasn't an early bird, in fact it was already quarter to 12 and almost everybody was up by slowly waltzed his way to the kitchen, and could hear hushed whispering coming from that particular place.

Deidara quirked an eyebrow up in interest and quickened his pace in the direction of the kitchen.

" He's coming!"" Quick!"" What the hell, shove that burnt toast in your mouth and get your ass moving!"

Deidara's curiosity grew as he heard their voices, as his head peak around the kitchen door frame only to find that everyone was normal and intricately sitting in their usual table stared at a the table for a moment, but when he found nothing strange, or out of the normal amongst Sasori and Zetsu, he shrugged in dismay and seated and went over to the fridge.

He popped open a juice bottle and chugged it down aimlessly, not paying any attention to his surroundings.

" Deidara-san, we have prepared breakfast for you."

" Excuse me, un?" Deidara said, spitting his juice out.

" Did you just say that you made breakfast for _me_, Zetsu?" He asked incredulously.

" Why yes, yes I did, Deidara-san," Zetsu replied back, calmly.

Deidara stared at him like a fish out of water; mouth agape and all.

Sasori sighed in irritant, " Just eat the damn breakfast br- Deidara. Please, we insist," he added.

Deidara shakily turned his head towards Sasori in shock, " Danna, y-you just called my by my name…"

Sasori sighed again, " yes, I believe that's what names are for, Deidara."

" But you never called me by_ my_ name, yeah…"

" Hmmm, now I do,"

"…"

" What?" Sasori snapped, glaring up at Deidara's befuddled expression.

" Here let me get that for you," white Zetsu said smoothly.

He took the bottle of juice from Deidara's hand and guided him over to the kitchen table, as Sasori stood up and pulled the chair out for him. They bother took Deidara's shoulders and pushed him down on the seat then went back to their old positions; Zetsu at the leaning against the kitchen counter and Sasori sitting directly across 's felt his jaws drop in shock and surprise.

What had just happened? Did Zetsu and Sasori….? Did they just…? Were they showing acts of _kindness_?

" Well, dig in Deidara-san," Black Zetsu chimed in from the counter.

Deidara nodded in response and gulped, staring directly toward the food. He picked up the spoon and ate a bite, his face instantly lighting up in delight." Whiss ish goosdh!"

Deidara mumbled with the large amount of food in his mouth, while Zetsu's stared amusingly at him.

" Why of course, Deidara-san, only the best for you," White Zetsu stated passively, as Sasori nodded in stopped dead, dropped his spoon and stared up at Zetsu with a confused expression on his face.

"The best for me?" Deidara repeated.

Sasori's lips tugged upwards in a faint smile, " yes, Deidara, only the best for you," he purred, as his eyes scanned Deidara like a prowling , gazed at his food then back up at Zetsu, then turned in the direction of Sasori.

He gulped again and pushed back the chair, getting up.

" Uh, I've had enough food, yeah…thanks…" Deidara said hazily, as the other two watched him with stoney closed his eyes, took a deep breath and let it go, before walking towards the doorway.

A hand stopped his journey short." Where are you going, Deidara-san?" Zetsu asked innocently, with Sasori following up behind chuckled lightly.

" you haven't finished your food, that we took a great amount of time and effort to prepare it, Deidara," he added in a singing tone of backed against a wall, as the other two prowled closer to him.

" I'm not hungry, un! So leave me alone!" he shouted in defence.

Making such a controversy on not eating his breakfast?

Please, since when did these to care about his well being, let alone whether he woke up to see the next sunrise.

" Come on," Sasori cooed, walking closer, " you know you want to eat it,"he added, as Zetsu nodded in agreement.

" Eat it."

" No, un."

" You know you want to…"

" Nu-uh, yeah."

" I think it would be best if you ate it, Deidara-san."

" Stop calling me that, yeah!"

" Calling you what, hmm, Deidara?"

" I'm leaving, un."

" no your not."

" Yes I am, yeah. Watch me, un."

" Oh we'll see to that, Deidara-san, we'll see to that."

Deidara speedily snaked his way around the right corner of the doorway, before making a mad dash down the hall, leaving the other two members in utter disbelief and shock.

_Oh my god, yeah….oh my god! _Deidara screamed inwardly.

_What on earth was that?_

After some twist and turns he stopped and leaned against the wall, catching his breath, " that was so…so creepy, yeah."

" What was so creepy?"

" Ah! Kakuzu!" Deidara yelled, turning around face to far with Kakuzu, who was leaning on the wall, looking awfully amused.

" Good morning, Deidara."

" Oh my god, un! Leader-san! Konan-san!" Deidara exclaimed spinning around at the sound of their voices in the other pressed himself against the wall, not quite sure where to look at this point in the day.

The other three fellow Akatsuki looked at him testily, as he stood there contemplating what to do.

" G-good morning, yeah," Deidara stuttered, before walking by them, but stopped when leader called out.

Pein swivelled around to face Deidara's back, " do you have an assignment today, Deidara?" He asked with his usual monotone facade.

Deidara turned around to face his leader, " uh…right, I'll get to it, yeah," he said quickly before spinning back around.

" Excellent, well let me inform you that you don't have to do it," Pein stated passively.

Deidara spun back around, jaws hanging down.

Did leader just give him a _day off?_

" Are…are you serious, un!"

" Why wouldn't I be, Deidara?"

" No, it's just that, well," he rambled onward, " you usually never give days off, yeah," Deidara retaliated back.

Usually give days off?

Heck, Pein _never _gave days off.

"Oh, I see. I wasn't aware of that."

"…"

"Yeah, we realized you were a complete aloof, idiot w-mm!"

Konan clamped a hand over Kakuzu's mouth before he could impulsively continue his cursing.

" Uhh…bye!" He said rushingly.

" Deidara-kun, I would also like to notify you that your pay for this week has been doubled," Kakuzu stated smoothly from his position against the snapped around for the third time, jaws hanging with the most befuddled expression on his face.

Since when the hell did Kakuzu give out money like it was toilet paper?

And on top of all that, he hadn't gone on any missions for days- no weeks!

" Are you okay, yeah?"

" I should be the one asking that," Kakuzu replied back, arching a brow in response.

Deidara shook his head, dumbfounded, " What the hell, un! I said I'm okay, so I'm okay!" He stomped in evidence.

Deidara ran a hand through his hair and looked at the three, "your all crazy today, yeah," he said, " just plain crazy, un," he sighed, walking away.

_I swear, if I get something like this from the others, I'm gonna drop a bomb on this place, _he , pacing down the paced down the hallway, quicker than he usually would.

Almost there…my room, he said, reaching outward, dreamily.

"Hopefully, I won't have to run into Kisame….or even worse, Itachi! Hopefully, i can get to my room without anymore of these fucked up, weird, w-"

" Deidara! Hey, how's it going!" Kisame waved.

Deidara stopped in his tracks and turned around to see Kisame and Itachi following up behind.

How could he have not noticed?

" Wha-what, yeah?"

" I said how are you?"

"I'm fine, un."

" Hmm, not from what I've heard," Kismame smirked.

" What the hell, yeah! I say I'm okay, completely fine!" Deidara emphasized using his hands.

Itachi sighed, broodingly, " Deidara please ca-"

"How am I supossed to be calm when this is going on, yeah!" Deidara spazzed on, pointing towards them.

Kisame and Itachi raised a eyebrow, " what's going on?" Kisame asked with a look of concern.

Hell, he's not suposed to look concerned.

" Are you alright Deidara?" Itachi asked, stepping forward.

Deidara's eyes widened, "See! see, this is what I'm talking about, yeah!" He empasized.

" Stop doing that!" He yelled, stepping back.

" Doing what?" Kisame questioned, crossing his arms.

" That, un!"

"What?"

" Tha-"

" Deidara," Itachi began monotonously.

Deidara snapped his head around, " and what in the name of my carrot bunny boxers do you want now!" He depressed on.

" Would you like a cookie?"

"..."

Silence passed between the three, before Deidara made a mad dash down the halls, screaming curses and emitting noises and the top of his lungs.

Anybody would after being offered a cookie by Itachi.

oOo

"And that's what happened, yeah," Deidara sighed, pressing his back deeper into the couch, while Tobi and Hidan grew silent.

" Sempai...you are so brave," Tobi said softly, looking up.

Deidara rolled his eyes in response, " well I wasn't going to stand there waiting for them to tie me with marinated shoelaces, you idiot," he scoffed.

Hidan glared at the two, " if you think that's fucking bad, you won't believe what they fucking did to me..."

oOo

Hidan streched out of his bed, as for some unusual reason he was up quite early today, but that didn't stop him from doing his usually morning rants.

" Kakuzu, you shit. Where's my mother fuc-"

" What the fuck."Hidan gaped his mouth at the sight before him.

There, lying neatly on his side table was his breakfast. His breakfast.

" Oh, good morning, Hidan. I assume you slept pleasantly," Kakuzu stated casually, walking into the room.

" What the...? You...? Fuck...?" Hidan stuttered raised a brow.

" something the matter? Is your breakfast cold? Shall I go warm it for you?

"" Why the fuck are yo-"

" I put the blanket over you at night since you seemed cold."

That was the last straw for Hidan, as he narrowed his eyes in anger.

" Is this a joke?"

" Hidan please eat your breakfast," Kakuzu said patiently.

Hidan pulled an awkward grin, " sure," he said, picking up the food.

"Here."

SPLAT.

And with that, Hidan walked out of his room leaving a breakfast covered Kakuzu.

He stalled down the hall, feeling extremly smug with himself after pulling something like that off on Kakuzu. And Kakuzu hadn't come after him, to top it all off.

He reached the kitchen, " morning fuckers," he drawled out lazily.

" Good morning, Hidan," Kisame called out, as Hidan eyed him suspiciously.

Konan walked in with a brooding figure, but immediatly stood up when she saw Hidan.

" Why are you in the kitchen, Hidan?" Konan asked quizzically, eyeing him in the process.

Hidan snorted in response, " I believe I can fucking go in the kitchen when ever I fucking feel like it," he snapped back.

Konan grew closer, " what about the wonderful meal Kakuzu gave you?" She questioned.

Now Hidan looked at her quizzically, " why the fuck do you care? I shoved it in his face," he added sumgly.

" Shall we make you some more?" Sasori and Zetsu chimed in together.

Hidan jaws dropped, "The fuck?" He said slowly.

" What would you like?"

" Some eggs?"

" No, no Zetsu, perhaps he'd like some pancakes instead."

" Hell no, let's give him some fish-sticks!"

" Where in the name marinated shoe-laces did you appear from Kisame?"

" Oh, shut it Zetsu, no one wants to see your two-faced ass around here."

" What did you say!"

" Be quiet you two, your voices are going to make me puke."

" Shut it, wood boy!"

" Don't make me throw sand bags at you morons."

" Say that again wood boy!"

" Oh, surely Zetsu, my pleasure."

" Drop it, wood boy and Zetsu."

" Stay out of this Kisame!"

" I swear to god, if I here one more thing out of your mouths i'm gonna chuck you guys out!"

" SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Everything went silent, as Hidan screamed curses.

Suddenly, everyone resumed to their current tasks. " So Hidan, what'll be?" They all said sweetly.

Hidan backed out of the kitchen, slowly moving away, before yelling down the hallway. In less than a second he was out of sight.

" I thought he'd like the pancakes," Zestu sighed, walking back to the stove.

Kisame rolled his eyes, " fish sticks. Those would have been the best."

Sasori rubbed his forehead in annoyance, " so much for a good breakfast...and could you to leave? Your filthiness is rubbing on to me and I still need to eat," Sasori said lazily, as Zetsu and Kisame glared at him in reponse.

" Like hell we'll leave!"

Hidan ran down the hall way, " fuck...what is up this bullshit!" He yelled, more to himself since no one was around.

" That is some fuckery, som-"

" What is some fuckery, Hidan?"

Hidan turned around in shock, " Leader! W-what the fuck are you doing here?" Hidan asked backing away.

" Oh, I simply came to tell you that, you don't need to go on any missions for the next two weeks."

Hidan couldn't believe what he was hearing, but nodded passively anyway.

" You will also receive your bonus payment," he added casually, as Hidan's eyes grew wide in shock.

" Why the fuck are you fucking give me a...a...bonus?" Hidan asked tensely.

Pein slowly turned his head to face Hidan and his lips tugged slightly upward.

Hidan couldn't believe his eyes.

Pein was, to say the least, attempting to crack a smile. At this point Hidan was convinced that he was in the afterlife because no way as hell would this happen in real life.

" So Hidan, how are you today?" Pein asked.

That was the last straw, as Hidan turned in the opposite direction and made a mad dash all the way down the hall.

Once he knew he was alone, Hidan stopped against a wall.

His peace was known to be short.

" Hidan, would you care for a cookie?"

"..."

"..."

He turned around to see Itachi leaning over with a plate of what seemed to be cookies.

Hidan didn't respond, but simply stared at Itachi in shock.

Then he passed out.

oOo

"That was fucking crazy..." Hidan trailed off, ending his story.

Deidara laughed, " you fainted, un! I can't believe you'd actually faint!" He continued.

Hidan growled, " fuck you!"

" Wow...Hidan and Deidara sempai had it so difficult," Tobi squealed.

The other two turned two him, " oh, and what did they fucking do to you?" Hidan asked.

"Serve you pancakes and fish sticks?" Deidara added sarcastically.

Tobi nodded his head, " Oh...how did Sempai know?" He asked in awe.

Hidan and Deidara's jaw fell loose.

oOo

Tobi was Tobi. He went where ever, when ever. This day was no different.

" Woo hoo! I wonder what everyone's up to!" He said, joyful as he made his way down the hall.

" Mmmm, Tobi is smelling goodness from the kitchen."

Tobi quickly made his way to the kitchen and said his usual irritating greeting.

" Good morning everyone~!"

" Good morning Tobi," everyone in the kitchen shouted in unision.

Only Sasori and Zetsu were in the kitchen at the moment. Tobi stood at the door frame in pure befuddlement.

" Ummm, is everyone okay?" Tobi asked nerovously, eyeing the others.

Sasori sighed and got up from his seat, " Tobi, sit down and eat," he said casually, grabbing Tobi's shoulders and gently guiding him to the nearest chair. Tobi followed in complete confusion.

"Uuhmm, Sasori-san...?"

"Yes Tobi?

"" Tobi no understand...why is Zetsu-san cooking?"

"..."

"..." I

tachi suddenly appeared around the corner.

" Itachi." Sasori spoke with no emotion, " that's the wall."

"...yes i know."

Zetsu sighed, passing the pancakes to Tobi, " well, Tobi! Eat up!" Zetsu said, smiling oddly.

" No."

"What?" Zetsu said, looking surprised at Tobi's answer.

Tobi stared up at Zetsu, " Tobi thinks Zetsu-san is acting strange...Tobi no believe Zetsu-san," he said with all seriousness.

"..."

Tobi suddenly felt a hand on his back, " Tobi, pleas eat the wonderful food we made for you," Itachi smiled, bending down.

Tobi felt silent, before screaming and running out the kitchen. Luck was not on his side, as he ran into Kakuzu, Konan, and Kisame.

" Tobi!" Kisame waved.

Tobi shuddered in response.

" Tobi, your a wonderful boy...I've doubled your pay," Kakuzu added.

Konan nodded in agreement, " yes, we've even provide you with a full day off."

" Shall we go fishing, Tobi?" Kisame grinned.

" T-Tobi is scared...Tobi is f-"

" Tobi."

Tobi snapped, turning around to see Pein.

" Leader-san, why is everbody being so nic-"

" How are you today, Tobi?"

Tobi's mental state ran very low, as he made a mad dash out the base and into the sun.

Along the way, he found Itachi with cookies, and Sasori and Zetsu with breakfast. Kisame offered fishsticks, Konan offered oreo cookies, while Pein and Kakuzu promised vacation and raised pay. There was definitely a problem.

oOo

"Tobi ran and ran and ran and r-"

" Okay, we fucking get it, Tobi," Hidan exsasperated.

Tobi tilted his head, " oh, okay sempai!" He said cheerfully.

Deidara, who had spent his time ignoring the two, finally spoke, " somethings going on, that's for sure yeah," he began.

" No shit Sherlock, it's obvious somethings fucking up," Hidan added casually.

Tobi nodded, " Tobi want to figure out what's going on," he sighed.

The other two rolled their eyes, " and we wanna throw confetti everywhere and then go listen tragic tales of the heard, yeah," Deidara said sarcastically.

There conversation was interupted short from voices outside the lounge.

" Hidan! Deidara! Tobi! Where are you!" Zetsu's voice sang. The other voices could be heard as well.

The three turned to each other with horror covered faces.

" Shit, i ain't having anymore of this insantiy!" Hidan yelled, jumping off the sofa and running over to the bathroom.

" Wair for me, yeah!" Deidara shouted, running after him and into the bathroom.

Tobi looked left then right, before making a mad dash into the bathroom with them.

" What do we do, what do we, yeah!" Deidara screamed, running in circles around the sink.

" The tub!" Hidan randomly yelled out.

They all turned toward the tub, looked at each other then rushed in to the tub.

Silence followed.

" What the fuck!" Hidan whispered, breaking the silence.

" Somethings touching my fucking back!"

" Whoops! Sorry sempai," Tobi giggled, as Hidan sent him death glares.

The creaking of the lounge door silenced them all.

" They're not here," Sasori said, casually walking in.

Zetsu and Kakuzu nodded their heads, " they're here...just hiding," Kakuzu said.

Kisame turned to him with a quizzical look on his face, " why would they want to hide? i mean, we were so nice to them," he said with a toothy grin.

Itachi sighed, " Kisame...that may have been the reason for hiding," he brooded.

Meanwhile in the bath tub, the three were having the most difficult time imaginable.

" Tobi stop touching me!"

" Sorry sempai!"

" Hidan move you ass over, yeah! It's big and annoying."

" Excuse me blonde fuck you did not ju-"

" Oh yes I just did, un. What're you gonna do about it, yeah?

"" Oh that's it I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

" Hidan sempai! Calm down, Tobi doesn't want to see this! Ahhhh!"

Meanwhile outside, the older Akatsuki could here the commotion.

They all sighed in unison, before walking over to the bathroom.

" Nice hiding place you got here," Kisame smirked, leaning against the door frame.

5 other heads popped up form the side, which were none other than Pein, Konan, Sasori, Itachi and Zetsu.

The three in the bathtub stopped short, mouths agape.

" How did you yeah...when did you...what?" Deidara said confusedly.

Itachi nodded his head, " Deidara you failed to realize that your obstinately loud voices could be heard half a mile away from this base," he pointed out logically.

Hidan didn't speak, simply jumped out the tub and ran for it, with Deidara and Tobi followed behind. But the others were too quick and locked the doors. They blocked their way.

" And where do you think your going you three," Pein said darkly, cornering them along with the others.

" Any where but here, yeah!"

" I'm fucking leaving!"

" Tobi is scared!"

"..."

"..."

" What, Tobi_ is_ scared!"

" Why in the name of Zetsu's pancakes are you scared?" Kisame asked, rolling his eyes.

Zetsu growled, " hey, what's wrong with my pancakes?"

Ignoring him, Tobi answered, " well, all you sempai's and leader-san were being so...so...so s-"

" SO FUCKING NICE!" Hidan and Deidara yelled together.

"..."

Pein sighed, rubbing his temples, " I knew this was a bad idea..." he trailed off.

Deidara raised a brow, " what was a bad idea, un?" he asked.

Konan intervened, " since you three were the youngest, the rest of us decided to show some kindness and appreciation, so Pein blackmail- I mean, told the others to be as nice as possible to you three today."

The other Akatsuki members turned away, finding the walls beside them very interesting all of a sudden.

"..."

"..."

" Tobi liked it."

Hidan and Deidara glared at Tobi, as he sheepishly turned away.

" That's all, un?" Deidara sighed.

" Well, I bet those panckes and the stuff Kakuzu made were fucking disgusting anyway," Hidan dismissed.

Kakuzu growled, " listen here shit face, I worked my butt of all morning making that for you!" He shouted.

" And let me tell you, they looked fucking great on your face," Hidan replied saucily.

" Actually, those pancakes weren't bad at all, yeah," Deidara jumped in, as Zetsu smiled in contentment.

" But who ever made those eggs...ughhhh...what did you use..." Deidara added, cringing a bit.

Sasori shot a glare at him, " well I think they tasted delicious," he stated in his own defense.

" Are you kidding un?" Deidara questioned, "your only saying that because you can't taste anything, I mean you'd eat shit if you had to, yeah," he potined out.

" He's got a logical point there," Itachi said, now sitting on the couch with Konan.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes, " please Itachi, you almost ate Zetsu's flower pot, so you shouldn't even be talking about who's got taste."

Zetsu's eyes grew in wonder, " so that's what happened to my pots...and all this time, I thought Hidan had been using them as his portable toilets," he thought out loud.

Hidan snapped his head around, " what the fuck? What makes you think I would do soemthing so fucking stupid!"

" Because you are stupid."

" Oh be quiet wood cock, no one wants to hear fucking annoying voice!" Hidan retalitated.

" I would like to notify you all that I went no where near Zetsu's pots," Itachi stated cooly eyeing everyone in the room.

Deidara and Hidan nodded, gulping.

" Besides all that, why was Zetsu cooking anyway yeah?"

Zetsu snapped his head around at the sound of his name, " in all honesty you idiots, you know i'm the only one who can cook a decent meal without having anyone puking litres for the next 4 days," he stated as a matter of factly.

" And what was the fucking point of Sasori being in the kitchen?" Hidan muttered.

" Well if you'd really like to know, brat it was so you didn't leave the without admiring our work," Sasori said cooly.

" Admiring what work, yeah?" Deidara argued back, as Sasori prepared to chuck a sandbag at him.

" And Kisame understand one thing, no one fucking likes fish sticks," Hidan said growled, " lucky I didn't shove them down you throat jashin boy!"

" And Itachi, why the hell did you make cookies, yeah?"

" I bet they were fucking poisonous anyway," Hidan remarked.

" Kakuzu, I though you were fucking high, giving out raises like that!"

" I didn't even know you had a heart yeah," Deidara added carelessly.

Kakuzu glared at them murderously, " you think I had a choice about the raise?" He shot back.

" If Pein hadn't blackmail-"

" I convinced him using fair and non-fatal methods," Konan cut in, once again clasping a hand over Kakuzu's mouth.

Deidara and Hidan twitched in respnse.

" By the way," Hidan began, "where in all the fuck did Tobi go?"

He questioned. Everyone glanced around in curiousity.

" Everyone!"

The group turned they're heads to the door to see Tobi standing there holding a plate.

Itachi raised a brow, " Tobi, what are you doing with my cookies?"

" And my pancakes?"

" Why are holding all my fishsticks?"

" Is there a logical reason for holding my sandbag's?"

" Everyone!" He shouted again.

They all glared at Tobi, " what!"

" Food fight!" Tobi yelled.

" Whoa, you can't just fucking go deciding a fight lik-" Hidan's words were cut short, as a pancake came crashing into his face.

Silence filled the room, as Tobi backed against the door.

Hidan slowly wiped the pancakes off his face. " Fuck, Tobi. You did not just fucking do that..." he growled in a predatory voice.

Then, all hell broke loose.

" Sorry, Sempai!" Tobi squealed, running around the lounge, flailing his arms.

Deidara picked up a sandbag and chucked it a Itachi, as Zetsu picked up a fishstick and threw it a Kisame.

" Deidara. What do you think your doing?" Itachi asked dangerously, getting up form the sofa.

" What you deserved, un!" Deidara yelled back, happily.

" He's right Itachi..." Kisame grinned, "I mean, who makes cookies?"

" I do."

"..."

" Yeah, we get it un," Deidara said, rolling his eyes, while dodging a flying pancake.

" But it scared the daylights out of me, made Tobi squeal louder than usual and Hidan...for fucks sake, Hidan passed out," he drawled.

" Doesn't that say something?" Kisame pressed forward.

" Yeah, it means don't make shit like that again," Zetsu popped in.

" Shut the fuck up Zetsu! Your pancakes looked more fucked up than his cookies!" Hidan yelled from the side.

" I used proper ingredients and I even added the right amount of-"

" He used plant fertilizer."

"..."

Deidara passed out, falling back on the couch.

Pein moved just in time, before his body fell on top of him.

" How do you know Sasori?" Kisame asked.

Sasori rolled his eyes, " I was the one who told him to put it in," he explained, as the others twitched in response.

" And i thought you were fucking there for the heck of it," Hidan replied, throwing a fish stick at Tobi, who was running around Kakuzu.

It hit Kakuzu instead." Oh, you did not just do that shithead," Kakuzu said, taking the fish stick and chucking it at Hidan.

He dodged and it hit Sasori, who fell back." You just crossed the line, brats," Sasori said, throwing a snadbag at Kakuzu.

" Watch it wood boy!"

" Kisame, what did I ever do you to you?"

" Insult my fish sticks."

" Tobi loves fish sticks!"

"..."

" Oh you fucktards!" Hidan yelled, chucking a cookie at them.

They dodged, before all taking a food item and chucking it at Tobi and Hidan.

"take that!"

" That's it, I'm getting my scythe!"

" My sword!"

" No raises for any of you!"

" Did I pass out, yeah?"

"..."

"..."

" Put a sock in it blondie!"" Please fucking pass out again.

"Deidara narrowed his eyes, " eat this!" He chucked a cut up pancake at Hidan, who ducked as it Itachi.

" That's the last straw."

" Tobi is scared..."

" Tobi should be fucking scared."

" All you brats, stop chucking food!"

" Think about the damage and bills!"

" Screw you and the bills, seriously, just go die!"

" Kisame, go sleep in some fish sticks!"

" Excuse me?"

" Your excused, Kisame."

" Oh shut it Zetsu, go kiss a plant!"

" A What?"

" You heard me!"

Meanwhile, Konan and Pein watched from the bathroom cabinets they were hiding in.

Pein sighed, " this elder and young bonding concept was not a good idea..." he trailed off.

Konan closed her eyes, " I don't know," she said, viewing the havoc in front of her, "you tell me."

Pein nodded his head, a ducked as a fish stick came flying towards them.

" Nope. Definetly a bad idea."

* * *

><p>Read &amp; Review :)<p>

Yes, they had a unexpected food fight at the end :3

And there attempts of being nice failed XD

Next chapter: The great chat room crisis.


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